You Don’t Need Closure. You Need a New Obsession.
Your romantic obsession is a message that could be interpreted in more ways than you think. When you are obsessed with a person, you think that person has connected deeply with you. They have managed to touch strings in your heart that nobody could before.
You make that person special in your mind by engaging in mindless scenarios and imaginary conversations. You make that person bigger than what they are, different from who they appeared to be. You start to live with that personality in your head and hope that reality matches that version. That’s romantic obsession with someone.
People who become aware of this obsession realise that they are doing it out of some void. There’s something that they are missing, which they are trying to gain from this person. They engage with psychological theories, going from their childhood issues to schema therapy, trying to discover why they are particularly fond of that person.
While awareness of the self is not a bad thing, reality can be dealt with in simpler ways than we think. Our mind loves to focus its energy somewhere. Mindless addictions are also fine. And obsessing over certain people is also that, a mindless addiction. No better than a drug. Different dosages, but a similar need.
You need to give your mind something to focus on. A project, a task, a dream, a vision so big that it scares you. An ambition. Your mind loves audacious ambitions, something that scares the shit out of you. Any ambition that doesn’t scare you isn’t an ambition. Do audacious things in life. That’s what your mind craves. Not idiotic, audacious. Bolder. Courageous things.
Once you engage in such pursuits, once you feed the mind what it craves, you will notice that the romantic obsession has disappeared. Because the romantic obsession is feeding off the energy that should have gone into better pursuits. I am not asking you to make money. You can, if that’s what your mind loves. But most people prefer different kinds of thrills. Money is just an outcome.
Obsession is an inevitable state of mind. You can either be obsessed with a person or a project. If you want to get rid of thinking about someone, you need to find your next obsession.