Why We Go The Extra Mile?
Humans are wired to belong to a community. We cannot survive in isolation, no matter how loudly someone claims they prefer solitude or that they don’t mind living alone for the rest of their life. The truth is we all want someone. It’s only when we give up on the idea of finding that person that we begin to use statements like “I don’t mind staying alone,” “I enjoy my own company,” or “I have more freedom.”
Because of this deep need to belong, we often go the extra mile. We have all done things we knew weren’t necessary. We could have said no, but we pushed ourselves anyway, doing something for someone even at our own expense. And all we received in return was a “good job,” a “thank you,” and sometimes not even that. Yet we would gladly do it all over again if warmth was the reward.
Despite what is often said or written, we do care about how others perceive us. We enjoy being called dependable; we appreciate being considered a good friend. We want people to feel close to us. And because we want others to think well of us, we go that extra mile so they don’t form a negative opinion. The issue is not the act of doing something extraordinary for someone; the issue lies in the reason behind it.
We often do unthinkable things for those we love—our parents, our siblings, our best friends, our partner—because we care about their well-being so much that even a small harm to them hurts us. It may sound selfish, but in these cases, care outweighs the need for validation. The real concern arises with people who are not that close to us, but whose validation we still seek.
Think of a situation where you want to belong to a group. The group already has established bonds, and you are the newcomer trying to ensure you remain part of it. You might go above and beyond to do favours, help with their needs, be overly polite, and remain alert to every opportunity to assist. There is nothing wrong with helping, but if it comes at the cost of your personality, then you have lost something pure—your dignity.
Before you walk the extra mile, ask yourself why you are doing it. Will it still feel okay if they act rudely despite your effort? What are you seeking from this gesture? The good thing about introspection is that you can be completely honest with yourself; there is no one to judge you but your own soul. That is how awareness is cultivated. Help others freely, but do not forget to ask these questions before you do.