Why Do You Feel Insecure?
Insecurity has become increasingly visible in our culture. Thanks to social media, more people are openly discussing their insecurities, whether about their appearance, emotions, or perceptions of others. While these concerns may seem modern, all forms of insecurity are rooted in our evolutionary biology. Our ancestors’ survival depended on remaining part of the tribe, a need that persists today in our desire to belong to communities.
This fundamental need to belong keeps us constantly questioning ourselves: Am I good enough? Do I look good? Am I capable? Do they hate me? When you feel insecure, about your appearance, behavior, or anything else, ask yourself: Why do I want this to be perfect? What does perfection even look like to me? Chances are, you’ll find yourself comparing to others.
This comparison is the root of insecurity. In social groups, especially among teenagers, the drive to belong is powerful. Adolescents often adopt a group’s standards of perfection, which is why you see them engaging in makeovers, changing their behavior, and sometimes rejecting their culture, parents, or personal challenges when they can’t meet these standards. The underlying requirement remains the same: belonging to the tribe.
This dynamic doesn’t end with adolescence. In corporate settings, watching a colleague receive more recognition can trigger envy and insecurity about your own performance and capabilities. You begin questioning your competence or worrying about how others perceive you. This fear activates your amygdala, sometimes leading to attention-seeking behavior. The underlying emotion? Not wanting to be excluded from being perceived as important.
Examine any situation where you’ve felt inadequate, and you’ll likely trace it back to one primary fear: isolation. Even earning less than a friend, especially someone you consider less capable, can feel like rejection. The typical responses are either overcompensating through people-pleasing to regain belonging, or self-sabotage through withdrawal and isolation.
While envy is an obvious response to insecurity, self-sabotage is less understood. When you’re made to feel inadequate, you may begin to see yourself as worthless, believing there’s no point in trying. Children who grow up feeling inadequate often internalize the belief that they don’t deserve good things, or that they must earn them through extraordinary effort. This creates a negative emotional cycle where people sabotage good relationships due to poor self-esteem, struggling to recognize their own worth.
Insecurities are easier to label than to understand. At their core, all insecurities represent a cry for belonging and validation. Failing to belong signals isolation, which our brains perceive as existentially threatening, a reminder of worthlessness. This dangerous pattern explains why people sometimes go to extreme lengths to avoid this emotion, engaging in behaviors that may appear irrational on the surface.
So how do you address this? If you struggle with feeling inadequate, ask yourself: What constitutes adequacy for me? Why do these standards matter? Are they truly mine, or have I borrowed them from others? If you know someone behaving from a place of insecurity, try to understand their perspective, learn about their motivations, and most importantly, make them feel included.
After all, isn’t that the whole point of civilization?