When We Miss Someone, We Miss Ourselves
When you miss someone deeply, you are not missing them emotionally — deep down, you are missing yourself. You are missing the version of yourself that emerges in their company, and that is why they dominate your memories. There are only a handful of people we meet who somehow check every box. They make us so comfortable that we love spending time with them, and that time becomes oddly, inexplicably memorable.
It is as though you experience connection through every shade of your personality. When that happens, you tend to loosen up and no longer mind getting vulnerable with them. Your vulnerable self is also your most honest self — no facade, no behavioural armour concealing the emotions you are actually experiencing.
It is not easy to be emotionally honest with everyone, especially for someone who has paid a price for showing vulnerability. So when you find someone with whom vulnerability is rewarded rather than punished, you tend to feel the deepest connection with them.
I am not evaluating the quality of the relationship or the character of the person with whom you were vulnerable. The important part is what you become in that relationship, and what you endure to become that person. That is why companionship changes people — when you no longer mind confronting your honest self, even embracing it, accepting your flaws becomes easier too. And from there, the road to self-improvement opens naturally.
That is also why it is nearly impossible to forget someone with whom you were once vulnerable, with whom you were your most honest self. When they walk away — and everybody eventually does — you are left with a hollow in your chest that you do not know how to fill.
Unbeknownst to you, they had become the bridge through which you felt connected with your inner self. And when they disappear from your life, that connection is severed. You retreat to your defences, because everyone else will penalise you for the same honesty that was once welcomed. All of a sudden, vulnerability is a luxury you can no longer afford.
This is why you go through such torment after losing people — whether to distance or to death. It takes courage to open up to someone, and that courage cannot be summoned for everyone, lest you appear desperate, even foolish. So every time you fail to build such a connection, you retreat into memory, revisiting the moments spent with that person with whom you could be your most unguarded self.
We are not built for the hard shell. That shell is constructed only to protect the softer self within — the one that bruises easily. And it takes a toll, eventually, on both body and mind, because these shells grow heavy from all the emotions pressed down inside them.
It is a wish from my heart that you find someone with whom you can be vulnerable, honest, and soft. I wish you the occasional relief of letting that shell drop and feeling, even briefly, weightless. I wish you never have to miss anybody — because when we miss someone, we are really missing ourselves. They were merely the bridge.