What Is This Confidence?
Confidence is about trusting yourself, but it is equally about being aware of your abilities. If your confidence makes others uneasy or challenges their idea of normalcy, it often attracts dislike or even hostility. Some people are so assured of themselves that it shows in their demeanor. Even when they are wrong, they shrug it off and move forward with the same certainty. Their confidence rarely wavers. People often call them arrogant, dismiss them as difficult, and, in general, dislike them.
The world tends to favor apologetic people because they are easier to bend to its will. But it dislikes those who cannot be deterred, because the essence of socialization is to build conformity within a community. Naturally confident people often become leaders — something that unsettles others. Strong oratory skills are one of the clearest signs of confidence. The opposite of that is social anxiety and the fear of public speaking — essentially, the fear of confronting other people’s opinions.
At its core, confidence comes down to awareness of your abilities. Everyone has certain talents or skills, but what matters is how conscious you are of them and how accurately you assess them. Confidence is your personal estimate of your abilities. If you believe you are more capable than you actually are, that is overconfidence. If you believe you are less capable than you truly are, that is underconfidence.
Both distortions are problematic. The key point is that confidence is not the same as ability itself — it is your belief about your ability, powered by self-awareness. That is why some people are told to “have more faith in yourself,” while others are told to “get a reality check.” Both kinds of advice deal with the same thing: the gap between actual ability and belief in that ability.
High confidence means a stronger belief in one’s abilities. It lowers social barriers, allowing people to do better in conversations, client meetings, sales, and life in general. At times, they may risk looking foolish by exaggerating, but the advantage is clear: their certainty makes them unstoppable in most situations. Confidence, however, is not equal to competence — it is simply your belief about your competence. The most formidable person in any room is the one who is not only highly skilled but also deeply aware of it. Such a person is persistent, resilient, and almost impossible to defeat.
The only way to build confidence is to become more aware of your skills. Be objective with yourself: do you truly have the skills or not? If yes, but you feel underconfident, it means you lack awareness of your own ability — you haven’t tested yourself enough. The solution is to put yourself into challenging situations. Test whether your skills match your belief. If they don’t, improve your skills. If they do, increase your belief. Cultivate awareness, and you will cultivate confidence.