Trust Is Not A Technique
There are countless videos on YouTube claiming to teach you how to win people’s trust. Most of them suggest techniques that imitate genuine behaviour so you can trick others into trusting you, thereby encouraging them to share their personal life stories. This baffles me. Unless you are involved in espionage, what purpose does collecting such information serve? And if you are genuinely interested in people, there is no need to mimic behaviour at all. You can simply be sincere.
This obsession with manipulation is troubling. Instead of cultivating qualities that genuinely make us better human beings, we copy the outward appearance of good traits and ask people to imitate them. It is like forging a certificate instead of actually becoming good at your studies. You are not who you pretend to be, and people eventually sense that. You may succeed briefly using these techniques, but they serve no lasting purpose. In fact, they often lead to loneliness, because you never learn what truly makes someone trustworthy.
People trust those who care about them. While it is impossible to care deeply about every outcome in everyone’s life, it is entirely possible to pay attention to what people choose to share. Show empathy when required. Empathy does not mean offering consolation or solutions. It simply means listening attentively. Do not be impatient. Do not jump to conclusions. Avoid giving advice unless it is asked for. One of the most common mistakes people make is assuming that someone sharing their story also wants expert commentary. That is not always the case.
Avoid judging people outright. People make mistakes. They learn from them and move on. The pain lies in the transition. One way of showing empathy is recognising that a mistake has occurred. Someone may have acted foolishly, but that does not make them a foolish person. Do not judge people based on traits they can easily improve. Judge the traits if you must, even make lighthearted fun of the mistakes, but always separate the person from the behaviour.
Be someone others can depend on. Help people recognise their strengths. Most people are unaware of what they are good at, and if you help them see it and believe in it, they will value you deeply. At the same time, resist every impulse to embarrass them. Do not highlight their weakest moments. Instead, try to understand why they acted the way they did. Ask questions if necessary to understand their perspective. Most people have reflected on their decisions, and if your curiosity is genuine, they will open up.
Whenever we hear an anecdote, gossip, or personal story, we instinctively pick a side, usually the one aligned with the narrator. Resist this impulse. The primary objective is to listen. Probe only where clarity is needed. Make a sincere effort to understand the situation. Check whether your interpretation aligns with theirs. If needed, help them recognise their mistake, but do so with empathy.
To win someone’s trust, you must become someone worth trusting. Ask yourself what kind of person you would trust. Someone who helps you see your mistakes with empathy, or someone who merely mirrors your behaviour to deceive you into believing them. Be the friend you wish you had in your own life.