Treat People Like They Fucking Matter
The most common mistake people make is thinking in hierarchies — be it corporate status or social status derived from affluence. This hierarchy we construct in our minds acts as a reference point for our behaviour. We choose how to act based on where someone stands on the totem pole.
This is the best way to treat people if all you care about is climbing the ladder and apple-polishing. But it's the worst way to treat people if you want to earn their respect and love. Nobody loves a douchebag, and I mean that sincerely. People who operate from hierarchies are douchebags in the most honest assessment.
They reduce human beings — with real wants, desires, and vulnerabilities — to a rung on some stupid ladder of social status. Treat people like they fucking matter. They are breathing in front of you, they are alive, they have insecurities, they have responsibilities.
So what if they are a few steps below you in the hierarchy? Do they not deserve to be treated decently simply because they can't match your affluence or social position?
What's even worse is pretending you don't follow hierarchies while being extra nice to the security guard, the valet, or the peon at the office. That's more insidious, because now you want brownie points for being gracious. Treat them like a fucking normal human being. Don't say anything you wouldn't say to your equal.
And this simple thing baffles most people. They understand what I'm saying but they're drowning in the cesspool of their own ego. They've learned manners, so they perform manners wherever it's socially required. But ask them to genuinely pay attention to someone's conversation — someone beneath their social station — and watch them squirm and retreat into pragmatism.
Sure, hierarchies exist, and there's nothing inherently wrong with acknowledging them. But people are people. You cannot expect them to love you for acting like a benevolent king. Treat them as equals, like they matter, like their insecurities and vulnerabilities are nothing to be ashamed of. Joke with them, understand them, guide them the way you would anyone else.
And if you can't do that — if you genuinely cannot tolerate people from all walks of life — that's fine. Just stop climbing onto your high horse and delivering moral lectures about respect. Because respect and admiration have to be earned. You command them by being worthy of them.
Every human being matters. You can argue you don't have time for everybody, and that's fair. But whenever you do talk to someone, treat them like they're the most important person in the room at that moment. Listen to their stories, pay attention to their conversations and the vulnerabilities that surface in them.
Don't do it if you can't do it genuinely. Because performing warmth is even worse than being openly rude. When you're being extra nice, you're signalling that this is behaviour you've reserved specially for the underprivileged — a departure from your default. That's not kindness. That's condescension dressed up as courtesy.
Don't thank the valet if you don't thank your friend. Don't perform politeness if you can't sustain it with your wife. Be who you are and treat people accordingly. If you're worried they'll hate the real you, ask yourself — how far gone are you from basic human decency?
They don't want to feel special. They want to feel normal. Like they're your peers, not a cog in the machine or a step on your ladder.
But for that, you also have to step outside yourself for a moment. This compulsion to centre the self above everything else is what causes most of the damage. You want attention but you won't give it. You want people to honour your vulnerabilities and extend you empathy, but when it's your turn, you reach for pragmatism. You lecture them on what they should have done differently. You weaponise objectivity.
If I sound angry, it's because I am. I'm genuinely pissed off watching entitled people dismiss those they've decided don't matter. The only path forward is to cultivate behaviour that's consistent across the board. The people above you get the same respect as the people below you, because as far as you're concerned, the world operates on a single level. You reserve judgement until you have actual reason to exercise it.
Avoid lecturing people at all costs, even when the temptation is overwhelming. Your first obligation is to understand their desires, what drives them, their vulnerabilities, their personality — before you offer anything resembling advice. And even then, only when they ask for it. Sometimes the greatest thing you can do for someone is simply give them your time.