The Small Talk Before the Ask
Remember when people you haven’t spoken to in a long time suddenly call to check on you? You feel confused, delighted, even guilty that you misunderstood them, so you engage with them with your heart open. Then, subtly, they slide in the real reason they called. You realise the whole charade was for that one purpose, and you hate yourself for falling into the trap.
I have a disgust for people who use such tactics. They think they are being strategic, but everyone can see through them. They are fooling no one. How arrogant do you have to be to believe people won’t notice what you just attempted to do? How stupid do you think everyone is?
I won’t say I have never been duped by such people, but with me, you get one chance. You can fool me—I am not God—but only once. The next time, I will see all the signs I ignored because I was being emotional. And I am one smart motherfucker when I am not being emotional.
If you haven’t spoken to someone in a while but now have to, the best approach is to be honest. Wouldn’t you want someone to be honest with you from the start? State why you called, then ask how they are doing. They may think, “You called because you wanted something,” and that’s fine. At least they won’t feel duped.
And if you genuinely cared about them, call again a few days later. Tell them you were busy at the time, but you wanted to know how they were doing, so you called separately. They will appreciate that.
If you don’t care about them and only wanted something from them, that bridge is already burned. Small talk won’t mend it.