The Selfish Mind
Our mind is one selfish son of a bitch. For the sake of dopamine it is willing to make our lives a living hell. I am pissed off, yet I find this hilarious. Think about all the things our mind continues to remind us of that have no bearing on our present, and yet they keep resurfacing.
There are words somebody said that hurt us, and our mind plays them on a loop. There are people we want to forget, but our mind keeps reminding us of things that belonged to them. There are infatuations we know are morally and pragmatically incorrect, and yet you know what the son of a bitch does.
There are thousands of pieces of literature written on dopamine and other similar molecules associated with the mind. What baffles me is that it is the same mind that helps us form our ethics, morals, and cultivate restraint. And this very same mind also tempts us with all the things we should not be indulging in.
If that is not enough, there is an even greater paradox. In order to be free from these temptations you need to use the same mental energy to train your mind to avoid the temptations it produced on its own. It is like asking the wolf to protect the sheep.
Of course there is enough psychological literature written on it, and I have read my fair share of it. Given how much I have suffered because of my mind, I had no choice but to understand whatever the fuck was going on inside it.
The bottom line is that your mind works on focus and reward. It has no understanding of anything else. It is very animalistic if you think about it. If your mind is constantly churning up thoughts about what you should have said, that person you absolutely hate, or that person you are romanticising about, then the logical reaction would be to rationalise that thought and get away from it.
I have tried this technique. It works, but it requires a lot of rationalisation. Instead, if we simply fool our mind into focusing elsewhere, it will eventually find meaning in that new thing. After all, the mind moves toward whatever generates some form of chemical response in the brain. These chemical responses are what the brain feeds on.
I am writing as if the mind is separate from my body, as if it is an independent creature. Biology aside, it sometimes does feel like a creature from a separate world.
Say someone has said something insulting to you and it is stuck in your head for days. You cannot sleep because your mind keeps replaying the perfect thing you could have said at that moment. Or it creates an artificial scenario where you end up winning. Your mind loves to fabricate realities in your head because when it is craving dopamine it does not mind fabricating an entire world for you.
Say you are infatuated with a girl. You talk to her but you know you have no shot with her. She likes you but not romantically. You know that. But you cannot stop yourself from looking at her, thinking about her, creating scenarios with her in your mind. That is your mind craving dopamine and extracting it through sheer fabrication.
This fabrication of reality feels fun in the beginning, but soon it starts to mess with your head. You can no longer tell how time has passed. You do not realise that while you were running conversations in your head you spent thirty minutes sitting on a toilet seat. Because you see, the brain does not just fabricate reality, it makes you feel it too. Unless you feel that reality in your head, the dopamine will not be released.
Psychological literature often suggests starving the brain of dopamine. There is some truth to it, and in certain contexts it is useful, such as training your mind to focus on long term rewards. But the scenarios I am describing are controlled hallucinations that the mind indulges in.
The easier way then is not to manage dopamine but to change its source. You have to work with yourself to identify areas that trigger the reward system of your brain and gently steer the mind in that direction.
So if you are stuck with insults, focus your mind on things that make you feel good or superior such as your hobbies, writing, talking to a close friend, or speaking with a relative. Not to pour out your frustration, but to discover new avenues of happy hormones for your mind.
If you have a partner, go out on a movie date, do something adventurous together, surprise her. These things keep you engaged with clear anticipatory dopamine on the way, and you will not feel so bad about yourself. You have to keep indulging in tasks that make you feel good instead of living inside fabricated hallucinations.
That kind of daydreaming is self destructive, and the organ that is supposed to protect you from it is the very one indulging in it. Do not resort to imaginary conversations. Avoid living in fabricated realities. Instead of managing dopamine, steer your mind toward a new source of it.