The Love You Were Never Given
When life has been traumatic, there are two directions a person can take. On the first, he wants to pass the hurt on to others. He wants the world to see how hard it was. He becomes the archetypal villain. The grey character. The one you sympathise with yet disagree with, because he too has a point.
On the second, the person absorbs everything. He makes sure no one else feels the pain he had to endure. The ignored child grows up to ensure his own child never feels ignored. He makes sure the people around him always feel heard. He suffers inwardly. Outwardly, he keeps doing things for people. Putting them at ease. Making them feel valued. Within, he still yearns for the love he never received. The warmth the world withheld from him.
Both kinds of people are suffering. Neither has finished hurting. Their pain simply finds different outlets. And the second kind is far easier to deal with than the first. The first creates problems. The second absorbs them all. The world prefers the second kind, because who doesn't like a good sponge or a doormat?
If you are torn between passing on the hurt and absorbing it, understand that neither is the answer. You have to close the loop. The regret of an unlived life is hard to bear. All the warmth you seek from the world belongs to a life you never got to live. Your mind still craves it because it believes it is owed. And it is. But that chapter is closed. Your mother cannot love you that way now.
The trouble is that you have moved far from the source of the hurt, yet the emotional bond remains. Let go of the past. Forgive everyone who couldn't love you, who didn't do right by you. Forgiveness matters because it lets you leave that phase behind. Seek love from the world. Give love in abundance. Do not expect the old love to return. It never does. The ache in your heart will not fade unless you actively work to remove it.
That is why people who grow up without love become the finest lovers and the most devoted fathers, the kind the world needs for its future. Turn your curse into someone else's gift. Sometimes the only way to heal is to give the love you were never given.