The Loudest One in the Room Is the Weakest
In any argument, the one who raises their voice loses. Because raising your voice means you used force instead of quality to elevate your case. That is the first sign of low emotional control. You are being exposed. You showed the world that you are vulnerable. That you cannot contain your frustrations. That you have not channelled your anger.
You will find such people everywhere. You could even be one. There are people who scream and break things. That is how they assert dominance in an argument when they have nothing substantial to add. So they showcase strength. To bully you into submission. They want you down. And they want it now. They are seeking absolute surrender. Submission through instilled fear. They do it because that is the only framework they understand.
They feel guilt. Once the anger subsides. Once the energy dissipates. They settle into normalcy. That normalcy reminds them of their actions. The memory sits there like a hangover. Then they apologise. Or try to behave calmly. But fail once again. Because they once again chose not to resolve the feelings. So instead they expect you to submit to them. Do what they tell you to do. Otherwise they will lose their mind.
Isn't that what they say? You shouldn't have done that. It's because of what you did that I lost my temper. That's what they make you believe, too. People who live in such relationships begin accepting that lie. That had they not behaved in a particular way, everything would have been fine. Maybe it's their fault. Maybe next time it won't happen. He is decent overall, if you ignore the rage.
If you are in such a relationship, you should walk out. If you are the one doing it to others, you should seek help. Fix it as soon as possible. This pattern is also common in certain corporations. Some superiors love to shout in meetings. They make everyone absorb the anxiety they are carrying. So everyone becomes as frantic as they feel. This is an old technique. But it was a technique born in war. Not in meeting rooms.
If the screaming doesn't turn into a violent contest, you can handle it by becoming the absolute opposite of who they are. If they are raging, be completely calm. Ice cold. No reaction. No change in tone. You stand your ground. You say what you want to say. You remain fixed on the matter at hand. They will keep screaming and eventually they will stop. Because screaming requires instigation. They want you to provoke them again.
Pretend their screaming fell into a void. Unless it turns violent, don't take it personally. Don't let a single word enter your mind, disturb your peace, or make you believe something you shouldn't. They will try everything to trigger you. That's how they get their high. Deny them. Make them see the futility of the screaming. Embarrass them. Make them feel like a child by refusing to participate in their contest.
The strongest is not the one with the loudest voice. It's the one who is not deterred by the yelling. The noise doesn't reach them. Their calm is unbreakable. Their moral code is unimpeachable. Their stance is unbothered. They respond on their own terms. Nothing can provoke them without their permission. They react when they choose to react. They say exactly what they always intended to say.
Behind every scream lies the psychological need to be heard. That is the empathetic part. They were screamed at, so they passed the same down. They believe that is the only way to handle emotion. They have no other means of processing what they feel. Unprocessed feelings and unresolved emotions emerge in unstructured ways.
Empathy is optional. You don't have to be their therapist. But you need to understand how their mind works. So you know what you are dealing with. If they act like a child, treat their screaming the way you would a child's. The one who has to scream to make a point has already lost it.