The Illusion Of Identity
We are different to everyone we meet. No two people will ever hold the same opinion of us, not even your mother and father, despite sharing their thoughts with each other constantly. Some will see us as the best of human character, while others will view us as the worst specimen. In such a scenario, it’s easy to feel confused, even misunderstood. But remember: this isn’t entirely on you. It’s shaped by how you’ve behaved around them, and that behavior creates their perception.
Change the behavior, and you’ll change the perception. Sometimes, however, we begin on the wrong foot, and from that moment onward, it becomes almost impossible to reverse their impression. We all know someone we consider a complete asshole, but can we be certain they remain one outside the current setting? A smarter approach is to understand their incentives, the reasons behind their behavior. After all, no one wakes up every morning with the plan to be an asshole.
Yet despite knowing this, we still crave approval. We want people to like us. We bend ourselves, reshaping our behavior so they won’t misunderstand us, as if the image our friends hold of us must match the one everyone else carries. In the process, we make a mess of our personality. The truth is, you’ll never feel comfortable around all kinds of people. And you shouldn’t. There should be layers within you, revealed only to those curious enough to look deeper.
For everyone else, it’s enough to be courteous, helpful, and assertive. You are not responsible for every perception others form of you. Each opinion is just a version of you they’ve created. You can’t care about all those versions, nor can you pick which one survives. The reality is, you have only one identity, one true self. Some will recognize it, but most won’t. And that’s fine. It isn’t their duty to know you, it’s yours to know yourself and remain true to your core identity.