The Guilt of the Breadwinner
When you are the sole breadwinner of the family, guilt becomes a constant companion. The guilt of choosing your own happiness over your family's. Of buying something for yourself before buying for them. Of watching them suffer and not being able to fix it. Of perpetually diminishing your problems in the face of theirs. This is one of the quieter, more corrosive sources of suffering for such people.
You are not responsible for everyone's happiness. The compulsion to keep everyone comfortable almost always puts you in discomfort, and offers no guarantee that they will actually be happy. Some people are devoted to their misery. Some people are wired to constantly compare. Some people simply refuse accountability.
The person who feels guilt is often made to feel guilty. They become the vessel into which others pour their sorrows, the designated culprit for all that goes wrong. Because you have consistently solved their problems, they assume that when you don't, you are shirking your duties. That you no longer care. The one who gives is gradually cornered into a position where giving becomes non-negotiable. This is the particular vulgarity of performing selfless duties in life.
Stop assuming responsibility for everyone's happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. It is not about what people lack or what they need; it is about how comfortable they are with themselves. You have your own life. Don't stop caring for the people around you, be responsible, take care of your family even when it is difficult. But only for what you can actually control. Their moods, their aspirations, their suffering are not yours to manage.
Taking care of your family means ensuring they have what they genuinely need. The younger ones have enough for their education and basic sustenance. Your parents receive proper healthcare. You cover the essential necessities and any foreseeable contingencies. You cannot be held accountable for how they feel on any given day. You can counsel them, advise them, offer suggestions, point them in the right direction. You should not feel guilty about their state of mind.
Their standing in society is their responsibility, not yours. Your role is to provide for them, not to construct their identity in the world. That work belongs to them. Above all, you are responsible for yourself. Your happiness. Your peace of mind. Your future goals. Your aspirations and desires.
You can commit to the larger purpose of caring for your family without surrendering your entire life to it. It may feel noble, but it yields diminishing returns. The most you can expect at the end is gratitude, and that would not even be their failing; it is simply the nature of things. Commit without self-erasure. Fulfill your duties while holding on to the knowledge that you owe something to yourself too.