The Cost Of Being Too Nice
Everyone feels they are being used. They don’t get the respect they deserve. They believe they are too nice and the world is cruel. Rarely will you meet someone who pauses to ask: What am I doing wrong that allows this to happen? Are they truly exceptional? Are they gullible? Or are they simply mistaken?
There is no denying that the world is filled with opportunists. Their primary objective is to get the job done. In the right positions, they can be excellent managers. But in adverse conditions, they can wreak havoc on the mental health of those around them. Consider a drug-addicted sibling exploiting a sister for money under the guise of recovery. Or a drunkard husband manipulating his wife’s emotions to extract cash for alcohol.
Then there are simpler stories: a colleague making you do all the work and stealing the credit. The underlying pattern remains the same. The victim is exposing vulnerability. Opportunists sense this instinctively, much like a lion senses weakness in a herd. Instead of resorting to rationality, they exploit emotions. Instead of wielding power, they prey on vulnerability.
People who are vulnerable themselves are often softer toward those who display similar fragility. It is the same old cycle. As a child, if you were hurt, you are more likely to recognize pain in another child. Your emotional radar stays on high alert. You know the pattern so well that you detect it everywhere. This creates empathy, which benefits the world. Empathy feels beautiful because the act itself gratifies the emotional self.
But the emotional self cannot be rational. With opportunists, rationality is essential. You must pause and ask whether the empathy shown will create greater damage. If the answer is yes, you must toughen yourself.
Often, when you are good at something, the world will seek your help. Give it. Do not count favors. Do not expect anything in return. If you can help, you should. But ask one simple question: Will this empathy or help create problems for me? Continue helping only as long as the answer remains no.
The world appears divided between empaths and opportunists. If you can help someone, you must—without expecting gratitude. Gratitude is not the objective of helping. You help because you want the other person to do well. If you help for reward, you lose the moral high ground. But when helping an opportunist causes more pain and greater damage, you must resist the empathetic impulse and harden yourself. That is precisely what families of drug addicts are advised to do.
There is no easy way to deal with this feeling—except by rewiring your mind. Do not expect favorable treatment simply because you acted with goodness. You did good because it was right. Help, then move on. You lose nothing if a thank-you never comes.