The Burden of Feeling Everything
A sensitive mind is a curse sometimes. You remember everything. That remark someone made. How they made it. How much emphasis they placed on which word. What their expression was while saying it. How many jokes they made at your expense. How much they were relishing it. How many people were genuinely laughing at it. It feels like a curse.
It affects how you deal with people too. You notice them more deeply. How they say things. Whether they meant them. How much they want you. The gap between what they say and what they do, between what they say they will do and what they actually end up doing. You build the entire algorithm in your mind. It’s fascinating how the mind can cultivate a map of micro-expressions, storing tiny details that most people would never notice. Everything is recorded in a ledger.
You will spot a problem long before it materialises into one. You can figure out the people who silently dislike you by the way they talk to you, the way they joke about you, and the way they relish jokes made at your expense. It’s almost intuitive. You can differentiate genuine, friendly banter from banter laced with malicious intent. That intuition feels magical. Magical because it is almost inexplicable in layman’s terms.
Even though it’s a fascinating gift from God, it can feel like a curse to live with such intuition. It usually means you can understand the world more deeply. You can see through people. You can see through their lies, their emotions, and whether they mean what they say. It disappoints you initially to realise that most people aren’t who they pretend to be. That disappointment further alienates you from people because so many of them begin to feel like hypocrites.
Do not try to change that sensitivity, even though it feels hurtful right now. Channel it into something where it can blossom into a beautiful flower. Make a garden out of it. I use that intuition to understand the world and write fiction with more depth. It allows me to write with greater depth because I feel everything intensely. I hated myself for being this way, but now I don’t—even though I still get hurt by people.
Learn to express minimally, even when there’s a storm raging inside you. Intuition only feels like a gift when you learn to use it strategically, without breaking down under its burden. Identify the people who are worth having in your life. And learn to recognise people who have destructive tendencies.
Share more empathy with people. Help those who are struggling because you are specifically wired to identify their hurt before they can express it. Everybody needs someone like that. Be that someone you wish you had in this world.
Do not curse your sensitive nature. It’s not a curse. It’s a feature. You just need to learn how to use it differently.