The Art of Ceding Territory
Relationships feel rewarding on some days and challenging on others. On some days, you feel you have someone with whom you can let loose. On others, you realise you cannot be yourself, lest the fight continue. Some days feel harder because, no matter what you do, the argument refuses to end.
So, most people accept that you have to be a little fake to survive a relationship. They start hiding their true feelings from their significant other. They become agreeable to avoid fights, making sure that everything at home remains cordial. Eventually, they become liars to the very people with whom they were supposed to be transparent.
The problem isn’t lying or pretending. The problem lies in the inability to see things from the other side of the table. The obvious advice is to be transparent about your feelings with your partner. Tell them what bothers you and why. Tell them what you expect from them. That is the easy part. The hard part is remembering that they, too, have similar expectations of you.
When you become transparent, you also need to allow someone else to be transparent with you. You have to extend the same patience to them that you demand from them. The right to express an opinion is equal for both parties. The right to disagree with each other’s opinions belongs to both parties, too.
When you think about it, you realise that the whole point of the quarrel was the stubborn insistence on having the exclusive right to disagree and hold an opinion. You are inadvertently ignoring the fact that the other person is your equal in the relationship, not your subordinate.
So, the only way to resolve a conflict in a relationship is by ceding some territory. You can either do that by arriving at a treaty or by letting each other win some battles, if that suits your ego better. There will always be a conflict between what you want them to do and what they want to do for themselves. The conflict feels endless because there is no objective way to prove who has the greater right.
And so, you cede some territory. You win some, you lose some. That is the only sensible option left. And that is why, my dear reader, all good relationships work on compromise. When a conflict is framed this way, the only sensible position left is to cede some territory to the other person in the interest of greater peace.