Suffering Doesn't Make You Superior
Pain earns compassion. It does not earn a claim on other people.
When someone tells you about their suffering, compassion comes naturally. A man gives twelve hours a day to his job while his personal life falls apart, and his boss says there is nothing special about that. Another man takes care of everyone at home, and no one there cares how he feels or whether he exists at all. You listen, and you want to help.
But you can only offer so many suggestions. Beyond that, you have no control over their life. Fixing the problem will take a lot of effort, and that effort has to be theirs. So you give what you can. You give empathy.
It doesn't take much for that pain to turn into entitlement. "I am suffering, so cut me some slack" is a request for empathy. "I suffered, so I deserve this" is a claim of entitlement. The first one asks. The second one demands. And the demands only get uglier.
Soon the pain becomes a reason to make demands and an excuse for everything. Then it becomes a reason to blame someone. Finally it becomes a reason to feel superior. I suffered and you didn't, so I am better than you.
This is the clearest sign that the person isn't looking for a solution. A solution would leave them with nothing to feel entitled about. So they don't want one.
We see this most often with our parents. "We suffered so much for you, so you have to do what we say." It is entitlement dressed up as sacrifice. Children have no choice, so they obey. Parents still deserve respect. But their pain has lasted far beyond the point where it was a valid reason.
So when someone shares their pain with you, be compassionate. Then gently ask how they plan to fix it. They may not know yet. That is fine. In time, they should be able to work it out.
Think of a toothache. You don't say, "I don't know what to do, maybe I'll deal with it later." You go to the dentist right away. The pain makes it your first priority.
When something hurts enough, you want it solved now. If the pain never gets resolved and keeps being used to blame people, it isn't hurting enough. The person isn't looking for relief. They are looking for leverage.
Suffering is the gap between the life you wanted and the life you got. It is meant to be temporary. It lasts only until the mind learns to adapt. If it lasts longer, you are no longer suffering. You are using your pain to look down on someone.