Stop Being So Agreeable
Don't be too easy for others. Don't let people trample you. This is easier said than done for those who struggle to tout their own worth. People who doubt themselves don't assert their abilities to the world. They are always second-guessing. Thinking that if they are capable, so is everybody else. This keeps them perpetually humble. But also perpetually subservient. They are the first ones to be taken advantage of.
They are the first ones to get mocked. Because they crack jokes at their own expense, people assume it's acceptable to join in. They fly below the radar because they are afraid to fly higher. They feel guilty asserting their needs. Taking credit for their strengths. Being unapologetic about what they want. The world becomes a cruel place for such people.
Nobody gives a damn, and that is the most naked truth. Not even your parents. Not even your wife. Not even your children. Definitely not your friends. Why would anyone care about you unless it benefits them in some way? If that sounds bleak, so be it. You have to be your own propagandist. Your own cheerleader. Your own protector when the attacks grow too intense.
Defensiveness is one of the ways your mind shields you. It constructs an identity and then strikes back whenever it perceives a threat. The problem is that this mechanism lacks discretion. Your brain cannot always distinguish between what constitutes a genuine attack and what the best response to it would be. Sometimes the best defense is not to explain yourself but to draw a line.
You need boundaries so people know what not to cross. And whoever crosses them has to face consequences, whether a quiet reprimand or a prolonged withdrawal. People should clearly feel the difference between the access they once had and what they have now lost. When they apologize, you can choose to forgive if the remorse is sincere. But you cannot abandon your own emotions simply because they feel uncomfortable.
Do not feel embarrassed to express what you dislike in others. You extend care to people, and they owe you the same consideration. They can choose to refuse. That is their right. They can walk away. But if they want a place in your life, they have to earn it. It is this assertion of your identity that signals to your own mind that you matter.
You can live by your values. You can strive to be the finest version of yourself. But none of that means you have to lie down and absorb everything that gets thrown at you.