Stop Being a Sponge
Empathy is a good thing. Probably the best thing you can offer anyone. To understand someone's pain without rushing to fix it is therapeutic. It is the closest you can come to giving someone the catharsis they need. Every self-help book and video preaches the same gospel. Social media is flooded with this one word: empathy.
Most of the time, I advocate for empathy. But there are cases where it becomes a curse. Too much empathy and kindness can turn you into a sponge. That's fine occasionally. But what happens when the sponge overflows? When it has absorbed so much that it starts to leak? You cannot hold everything. You cannot afford to care about everybody.
You might not know this, but you have limited emotional capacity. Besides, if you start offering empathy to everyone, you will realise that most people are not suffering because of external factors. They are suffering through envy. They want what others have. The desires of two people are in conflict with each other. Someone's pleasure is someone's pain. You cannot resolve it. You cannot even empathise with it.
You think you are only lending an ear. But a lot of the misery rubs off on you. It stays within you. Too much complaining can warp your own perspective. You begin to see the world the same way. Hammering one thought too much can shape your thinking. You are bound to feel connected to the person ranting to you.
Before you can even notice, your worldview has shifted. You too would start ranting out your own miseries. That's why they say misery loves company. It cannot survive on its own. It is contagious. It has to spread.
You have to be strategic in offering your empathy. Not everybody deserves it. Start treating your time and emotional bandwidth as premium. Only the worthy deserve it. Only situations that demand it. Someone tired of their boyfriend isn't a situation that qualifies. Don't become the dumping ground for people. You don't have to be the place where people come to rant. It's pathetic, and it will make you miserable too.
Be selective in giving your attention. Not everybody should have it. But when the time comes, they should know you have their back. Be the most reliable friend, without becoming the dumping ground. Only a few situations demand true empathy. The rest only warrant your attention, not your kindness or empathy.
Put a price on your existence. Nobody values things that are abundant and always available. The only reason we don't value water is because it's everywhere. The day we face a drought is the day we realise its true worth. Your time is a premium. Your presence is a premium. Start treating yourself like one.