What's At Stake?
It’s natural not to feel connected to everyone you meet. Sometimes you feel more connected to a stranger you meet while traveling, and sometimes you can’t feel connected to your sibling. Things like this make us believe in fate and destiny. It’s simpler than that: it’s stake management.
Our brain evaluates what’s at stake, what you stand to lose if you open up to someone. What if your emotion unsettles someone? What if your version of “crazy” doesn’t align with the people you’re with? Our brain is always assessing the situation, delivering a verdict, defending us from ourselves. Why else would we crack lame jokes with our best friend but hesitate with our colleagues? This is our brain’s defense mechanism.
Sadly, this becomes someone’s entire personality. They start seeing the world as a battlefield, and their brain adheres to their fears by defending them constantly. That’s why people get bullied in colleges, schools, and workplaces, not because they are weak, but because they are bound by circumstances that remind them of the consequences. Your brain is doing stake management. It constantly runs the what-if scenarios.
Most of the time your brain is right, but not always. Sometimes it’s operating purely from fear, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing someone, fear of judgment. The hack to break away from this pattern is to actively discuss what’s at stake. What do you think is at stake here? Have a logical debate in your head and push your brain to arrive at a conclusion. Use your rational brain instead of your emotional one. You will assess the situation better, exercise sounder judgment, and worry less.