Socialising without coming off as a prick
Don't eat the onion; Be the onion
You started a new job. Or you went to a party. You met a few new people. You listed down all your achievements in a conversation that lasted only 30 minutes. What do you think the other person will think about you?
Whatever he may think, it will be different from what you had intended him to think. You failed. Because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. You entered into an unknown arena and started telling everything about yourself. How messed up is that?
You go on a date and start rambling about your professional life. Or worse - your achievements. Boring.
Most people make this mistake. They don’t do it deliberately. But they are responsible for it. They do it because they are desperate to look good. In front of strangers. Who you’ll probably never meet.
If you are never going to meet in the future, what is the point of tooting your horn? If you were going to meet them again and again, why the rush?
People aren’t dumb. They don’t do it because of a lack of awareness. They do it because they are devoid of recognition. Your achievements have been overlooked. Or it could be that you are a plain narcissist. Either way, you should know some important things about human nature.
We all love ourselves too much.
That’s why we do it. We want to be loved. We want to be known. We want others to have good opinions about us. That’s why we bombard them with all of our achievements. If not too many achievements we bombard them with our influence - of who do we know. We also suffocate them with our knowledge in all areas of life.
We want the spotlight on us. But what happens when we can't back that up? We end up with a reputation of being unreliable. Or worse, a liar. Do you want that? I’m sure the answer is No.
So what should you do then?
Easy answer - keep your mouth shut!
Elaborate answer - The best of the reputations take time to develop. You should reveal yourself in layers. Make people pay attention to your achievements, your skills, or your knowledge.
Oh and don’t eat raw onions if you are going to have a lot of conversation. It’s repulsive.
Be the onion instead.
Be an onion when talking about yourself. If you are starting somewhere, let the other person tell you about their achievements. Listen to them. Stop talking and start asking questions. Don’t interrogate, appear curious as if you are interested in them. Get to know them better.
People love to talk about themselves, so let them. The more they talk the more you get to know them as a person. They tell you about their accomplishments because they want you to have a certain opinion of them. Let them. Learn why they want you to know that.
Tell them about you only when they ask. Not everything, though. Not at once. The information should flow gradually and eventually. If they are going to be your colleagues or your partner then let the moments of deep conversations come. Reveal your life then.
But if you are serious about a woman it’s best to tell her about your wife and kids even if she doesn’t ask. Be a gentleman.
The best conversations are those that are not forced. Don’t be a walking billboard of your achievements. Sometimes you are not that interesting. The other person is more interesting than you. The other person is more knowledgeable than you. In that case, listen and learn something from them. Lord knows we need good listeners in the world. If you can’t find one, be one.
Socialising is about knowing each other. The information flow cannot be one-sided. If you are only going to talk about yourself, then you have lost that person.
Because in the end, we all love ourselves.