Play Dead
We either trust people too soon or hesitate forever. As emotional beings, we have no instinct for balance. When we are frustrated, we voice our disapproval without a second thought. Almost too soon. That disapproval can then be twisted and turned against us. So we explain that we didn't mean it. That is an even worse strategy. Now you are forced to choose: either your word carries no weight, or you meant exactly what you said.
Our deep distrust of people is nothing new. It is precautionary. A form of self-defence. But it deserves better handling. It is true that not everybody can be trusted. It is equally false to assume that nobody deserves your trust. There are always good people around. We are simply too afraid of the bad ones. Far more than we should be.
The better way to deal with people is to never criticise them. Never. No matter what. Find a way to step into their shoes. Understand their point of view. Then find a way to echo their voice. If you can't, learn to offer a neutral opinion. You don't have to be agreeable. You just have to avoid being so disagreeable that you become obnoxious. That is the danger with people who pride themselves on being "real". They are fucking intolerable, and they always pay the price.
Your disapproval exposes your true thoughts. Your emotions betray how strongly you hold them. They also reveal which way you lean. Unless you intend to pick a side and don't mind being antagonised by the other, keep your disapproval to yourself. Especially in corporate environments, where having an opinion can cost you. You never know who might backstab you or rat you out. Don't give them the chance.
Most of the connections we form aren't genuine. They are superficial and devoid of warmth. They are built on shared convenience, not significance, not mutual admiration, and certainly not love. You know they won't last, so why bother revealing your true self? Show them what they want to see. Prove how understanding you are by never saying what you mean. You don't have to lie. You just don't have to tell the truth.
There are exceptions to this rule. There are moments when your neutrality works against you, when your silence can be weaponised. That is when you must voice your dissent, because staying quiet would harm you more. When the outcome affects you directly, whether your material interests or your reputation, speaking your mind becomes imperative. You have to stand up for yourself. Show them you are neither a coward nor a doormat.
There are people you genuinely care about: your siblings, your children, your partner, your parents. If your silence could compromise their wellbeing, you must speak up and voice your dissent. Do not hesitate to criticise then. The template is simple. If it doesn't affect the ones you love or the outcomes that matter to you, do not criticise. Play dumb. Play ignorant. Play dead.
There is an urge to criticise in order to feel superior. The more you resist that temptation, the more you force yourself to observe the people around you. The more you observe, the more you learn about them. That is the ultimate goal: to learn about people without revealing who you are in return.