People Who Make You Feel Small
Some people are masters at making you feel inadequate. As if you are worthless. As if whatever you did doesn't matter. As if you know nothing. They act as if they are fixing the world for you. They are doing you a favour. You cannot ask for their help lest they take over. Then they will make you feel as if you have not done enough.
This is a sophisticated form of manipulation. The goal of all manipulation is submission, and this is no different. But in this particular method, the perpetrator manipulates to satisfy their own needs. So they sacrifice you. They punch holes in arguments you haven't fully made, arguments deliberately stripped of context, so they can feel clever and proud of it.
If you make a decent point, they will not let you finish. They will offer their agreement just to make you feel as if they have granted approval. If they are equally knowledgeable, as often happens in academic and corporate settings, they will make you feel small. Inadequate. Worthless. Every argument becomes a struggle. Every confrontation is engineered to feel like a battlefield.
They present themselves as objective. They are far from it. They behave this way not to belittle you but to elevate themselves. Psychology works in reverse sometimes. What someone projects is often what they lack. A person who feels worthless inside makes others feel worthless. They complain endlessly about the burdens they carry, but the moment someone offers to share the load, they refuse.
Carrying the burden is the only way they can justify the complaining. The complaining is what lends them credibility. So they can demand recognition, which is what they wanted from the very beginning. A person who is small inside makes others go through the same smallness. A person who is magnanimous makes others feel expanded. That is why talking to some people feels like a blessing, while with others it arrives as a constant struggle.
There are limited ways to deal with such a person. On one hand you recognise their insecurity; on the other, you also know they are genuinely competent. They are using that competence as a weapon to diminish you.
Hold your ground. Do not offend them. Do not confront them directly. Never turn hostile. If they occupy an important position, in a university or a corporate hierarchy, do not make the mistake of provoking them. Everything must pass through the filter of light-hearted remarks and easy humour. Do not take things personally, because they will hit harder the moment they sense you are not yielding. That is the most crucial thing. Do not yield. Hold your ground long enough and they will eventually give up.
People who are this psychologically compromised rarely fight you face to face. They rely on cunning and divisive tactics to quietly erode your footing. They will not tell you they dislike you outright. That sentiment will surface in passing, in those jokes made at your expense that carry just enough plausible deniability.
The path of least resistance is flattery. They love it. They may claim to be rational and objective, but no human being is truly either. People like this, least of all.
Remaining calm, trusting your own abilities, and holding your position without giving offence resolves a surprising number of problems in life. Even in these situations, you will have every reason to walk away, but the focus must stay on the outcome. People pass through your life; what endures is what you managed to build despite the friction. That is what makes you stronger. And, in time, considerably more confident.