People or Ideologies: Pick One
Politics has damaged a lot of relationships. It is hard to pinpoint when having a different political opinion began to feel like a personal threat. It has become nearly impossible to share a room with someone who holds the opposite view. It is even harder in the age of social media, where everyone feels compelled to broadcast what they think.
The chasm has only grown wider with every passing year. Blaming any one political party for widening it is lazy thinking. Politicians do not necessarily reshape your thinking. They are the first to sense the prevailing mood and adapt accordingly. So when you see a politician doing something, it often means that is the mood they are reading.
They do get it wrong sometimes, but if you observe the winning candidate closely, you can tell they have done their homework well. This is not a chicken-and-egg situation. It is a problem of protectionism that has taken root in the collective mind. Collective anxiety is at an all-time high. This manifests in heightened tribalism, sensitivity around demographics, a rise in xenophobia, and renewed relevance of religious institutions.
Politicians have merely exploited this shift in sentiment. They are not to be blamed. In fact, they are worth observing carefully, because their entire career depends on reading these changes correctly. If they misread the room, their career suffers. If you want to understand why we can no longer tolerate those who think differently, you need to study this phenomenon of collective anxiety.
If you remain completely unaware of someone's political opinions, if you never check their social media, if you never engage with them on sensitive political topics, you will notice that disagreeing with them on other things is not particularly hard. The problem is not disagreement itself. The problem is specific kinds of disagreement, particularly those rooted in ideology. Politics is the language through which we express our ideologies.
We need to accept that it is nearly impossible to change anyone's political stance. It is also pointless to hold them personally responsible for everything wrong in the world or in your country. One individual cannot bear that kind of responsibility. Political stance comes from ideology, which is a product of groupthink and collective anxiety. You need to resolve the underlying psychological makeup before you can fix anything else. And who is to say your own psychological makeup is beyond scrutiny.
Nobody is willing to admit that they are rigid. One can deploy every debating technique available, but the fact remains: discovering the truth is never actually the point. We can never determine with certainty why the other person has arrived at their particular ideology. So instead of straining those relationships, it is better to sidestep those conversations entirely. The less you engage on topics that cannot be resolved through argument, the more cordial your relationships will become.
At this point, you need to decide what you value more: people or ideologies. I understand it is sometimes difficult, and I am not asking you to abandon your ideologies. I am asking you to stop going to war on their behalf. You can be exactly who you are. Just do not expect others to climb onto your bandwagon. They will not. And that should not cause you any grief.
If you stop categorising people by their ideologies, you will find that some of them are genuinely beautiful from within. They are as troubled as you are. They face the same problems. They need good friends just as much as you do. So why not be one?