Noise and Data
Every once in a while, we all wonder whether we should even bother with what people think and say about us. People have a great deal to say, and it’s usually something we’re uncomfortable hearing. Most people only end up disappointing us. So it’s natural to question whether seeking the world’s opinion is worth the trouble at all.
One approach is to stop seeking anyone’s opinion altogether, a blanket ban on every kind of opinion. There’s a catch, though: not all opinions are negative. Some people compliment us too. Those compliments help us feel better about ourselves, and they reassure us that we’re doing something right.
Opinions aren’t always judgments, though that’s the lens through which we habitually view them. They can also be feedback on our work, on our personality, on the areas where we need to improve. Opinions offer us the chance to course-correct. The trouble lies in the shape and form in which they arrive.
Relying on people’s opinions for everything leaves us at their mercy. Growing accustomed to compliments makes us chase them when none are forthcoming. It turns us into seekers of validation everywhere. People end up doing bizarre things for validation and approval. A single negative opinion can shatter days of peace. This relentless optimisation of the self for the world is exhausting.
It seems that neither banning opinions outright nor tolerating all of them is a good idea. The problem isn’t the opinions themselves; it’s how they affect us. There are two kinds of opinions: individual and non-individual. One is passed on you; the other on what you do and how you do it. The first is seldom pleasant to hear and can be dismissed as noise. The second is data, and it’s invaluable in the process of improvement.
You need to build a mental framework that sorts opinions into individual and non-individual, noise and data. This applies to compliments too. When someone praises your appearance, resist the urge to savour it. Say thank you and move on. Those belong in the noise pile as well, because the people who flatter you are the same people who will shame you. That’s how it works.
The opinions of others are a useful instrument for understanding reality and gauging how people perceive the world around them. They make for excellent data, as long as you separate the self from them.