How to deal with fear?
Getting rid of fear requires us to understand the nature of fear rather than its type. Primarily, fear is of only one kind—the fear of anticipation. Anticipation of consequences for your actions. Anticipation of the worst possible outcome of your action or inaction. All fears are rooted in uncertainty about the outcome. Therefore, it’s important to understand how we perceive outcomes, as that is where all our fears are rooted.
If you believe in the law of causality—that for every effect, there is a cause, or for every cause, there is an effect—then you likely believe that your actions will have some form of consequence, either in your favor or against it. Whenever an outcome has the power to please or disappoint you, there will be fear. This fear stems from the possibility of a displeasing or harmful outcome.
A perfect example would be someone waiting outside an operating room for a doctor to deliver results. It could be good news—the operation was successful—or bad news—that their loved one has passed away. This fear of anticipation is rooted in the nature of outcomes and how they influence us.
The advice to “embrace fear” doesn’t work because, when an outcome that influences us can potentially transform our lives, the fear of such an outcome cannot simply be embraced. There is only so much one can toughen up to in life.
How can one truly be free from fear? To be truly free from fear means being free from the anticipation of any outcome. If the outcome doesn’t bother us, if its impact is nullified, or if it ceases to matter, then there won’t be any fear associated with it.
The belief that every action must have a consequence—either as a reward or a punishment—attaches us to the outcome. If we anticipate a reward for our action, we will repeat it, often regardless of its ethical implications. Over time, we become governed by outcomes, attached to them, and lose the independence and relevance of our actions. Eventually, all our actions are dictated by the type of outcome they produce.
This behavior is common in socially anxious individuals. Their awkwardness often reflects the fact that their actions are entirely dictated by the outcomes they seek. They act out of sync with their personality. The fear of undesired outcomes is the root cause of all fear.
How do we break this attachment to outcomes? By focusing solely on the quality of our actions. There are two ways to achieve this: a) Consider the order of effects before committing to any action. b) Accept that you can only do your best and that outcomes are often shaped by factors beyond your control.
Before committing to an action, think about its second- and third-order effects. If you foresee potential problems arising in the future due to an action today, seek an alternative. Whether the outcome favors you or not becomes irrelevant because outcomes were never fully in your control. While you can influence the type of outcome you desire, you don’t have absolute control over it.
For instance, the person waiting outside the operating room may have done everything right, yet they remain powerless over the outcome because numerous influencing factors are beyond their awareness or control. Similarly, the doctor may possess the skills needed to perform the operation successfully but cannot guarantee the result. Even the patient on the operating table has no control except for their past actions—choosing the right doctor and ensuring they had someone to take them to the hospital.
When we accept that outcomes depend on many complex, uncontrollable factors, we stop anticipating outcomes of our desire. This detachment eliminates the desire for any specific result. Breaking free from attachment to desired outcomes allows us to focus on improving the quality of our actions, raising the bar higher than before. The fear of anticipation disappears—because what is there to fear?
The strength of fear correlates with how deeply attached we are to the expected outcome. I do not know what will happen to my loved ones as time passes or what will become of my career—many things lie beyond my control. What I can control is how I care for my loved ones, how I take the right actions to strengthen my family’s health, and how I nurture my career.
Excessive attachment to outcomes breeds desperation, and desperation becomes the fertile ground for all kinds of fear.