Fear Of The Party
Everybody wants to socialise. Everybody wants to own the room they walk into. Everybody enjoys being the centre of attention. But most people are too absorbed in themselves, to the point of paralysis. They want others to be equally fascinated by them without giving anyone a reason to be.
Some people call themselves antisocial. In truth, they have nothing substantial to say in a larger group, where the risk of being exposed as a fool is real. Fake it till you make it is a sound strategy until you meet someone at the party who can call your bluff. Then it is embarrassment all the way down. And people remember such stories.
So those who feel inadequate stay away from parties, even though they talk nonstop elsewhere. Then there are people who simply lack social skills. They don't know how to accept a compliment. It flusters them. They cannot take a joke. They turn defensive. They cannot decide whether they like the people around them. They cannot pin down the incompatibility that keeps driving them away from others.
Lacking social skills is mostly about feeling inferior deep down. You are convinced you are not good enough. You are hyperaware of every mannerism, certain you will be judged by it. You dread harsh opinions of your conduct, so you never act at all. Whoever never acts never gives anyone a chance to form an opinion. That may feel safe, but it also pushes you into a shell. Soon you feel trapped inside it.
The remedy for all of this is to be secure in who you are. Develop a little self-awareness about where you stand, who you are and what you know. Accept that it's alright not to be the funniest or the smartest person in the room. You only have to be the most authentic one. By authentic, I mean you say what you mean. You accept genuine compliments and offer them to others for qualities you admire. If you have nothing interesting to add, be a good listener. Pay attention to what people are saying and ask relevant questions.
Cultivate enough confidence in yourself that you can handle any embarrassing moment with ease, whatever it may be. You may spill your drink on someone, or on yourself. Rest assured, almost every mishap can be salvaged. It's fine to be on the receiving end of a few jokes as long as they aren't insulting. Take them with grace, and don't hesitate to land a few of your own without getting defensive.
Most importantly, learn to observe other people. Perhaps they are wrestling with the same inhibitions you are. Put someone at ease and they will adore you for it. Everybody is looking for that one person who makes them feel included. All our fear stems from a simple aversion to being judged too harshly, to being embarrassed.
Once you know who you are and what you know, you can feel secure, because your personality becomes naturally real and authentic. You aren't faking it, so it's easy to carry yourself with confidence. Be a good listener. You will learn a few things, and in return you will make someone at the party feel heard, even important. That is the whole crux of socialising at any gathering.
Stop agonising over rejection, over the fear that people will hate you. They are far too busy being obsessed with themselves. All you have to do is play along and enjoy yourself.