Favouritism Is Never Random
We have all accused someone of favouring another person over us. We have all alleged bias that seemed to work against us. The problem is that we too practise favouritism without acknowledging it, because why would we acknowledge our own faults? We are hypocrites after all.
Favouritism means you like someone and therefore prefer them in different situations. You want them to do well so they remain loyal to you, stay closer to you, and continue to make you happy. Therein lies the key. You want them because they fill a void inside you, a void you did not even know existed.
So when you judge someone for exhibiting biased behaviour or favouritism, you have to analyse what kind of behaviour they are responding to. If you assume it is merely flattery, then you are being lazy. Flattery is easily identifiable, and without corresponding actions it is largely immaterial.
You have to look deeper into that supposed flattery. Flattery without action rarely carries weight. Try that with a girl and she will reject you instantly. But combine flattery with careful observation of her dress, her thought patterns, her conversations, her problems, and her deeper concerns, and now you have a chance. Because that demonstrates that you care.
The same principle applies in corporate life. Bosses who respond to flattery are not responding to flattery alone. There is usually more beneath the surface. Observe what the person is doing to earn that āfavouriteā status with the boss. Is that person a good listener? Is that person simply pleasant to be around? Is that person making the boss feel superior?
This is important because it also exposes the person who is practising favouritism. It reveals their unique psychology. But to understand that, you have to set aside your own biases and objectively analyse their actions, their behavioural patterns, their expressions, and most importantly, their reactions toward you.
It is perfectly fine if you do not wish to indulge in flattery. What you must avoid, however, is becoming the opposite of what they seek if you want to move ahead. Suppose they favour someone who makes them feel superior. If you cannot make your boss feel superior, at least avoid making them feel inferior. You can remain neutral.
Once you understand a personās psychology, you can almost gamify it to your advantage. It may appear manipulative, and it will not work if you are not genuinely competent. If you cannot support your flattery with meaningful actions, that girl will not go out with you. If you cannot support your attitude with solid work, your boss will not entertain your tactics.
Favouritism is rooted in biology, in the way we interpret the world. It often emerges from a sense of lack. You can either understand and empathise with the person instead of gossiping about them, or you can use that understanding to your advantage. There is no real manipulation involved. You are simply applying knowledge for your own benefit.