Don't Rush To Offer Solutions
You hear someone's problems. Your first reaction is to help. So you offer solutions, complete with logical steps for implementation, and even volunteer to assist them through the process. Figuratively, you spoon-feed them. And yet they keep talking as if you never spoke. They keep circling back to their problems. As if no solution exists. As if you said nothing at all. As if you don't even exist.
This happens because people aren't looking for solutions. They are looking for a space to vent. Your mistake is to offer them a solution. Offer them a shoulder instead. Be a good listener. Hear them out. Sometimes all they want is to talk. They are suffering from loneliness. They are looking for company. Not every problem requires a solution. Some just require attention. So pay attention. Resist the urge to offer one.
Problems work as an excuse to talk to somebody. Solutions close that door on conversation. Someone looking for that opening will do everything to avoid arriving at a resolution. You feel the person isn't willing to listen. You feel they are simply lazy. You make harsh assumptions about them, without pausing to understand why they are behaving that way.
People aren't stupid. At least not all of them. But many are lonely. The power of good conversation must never be underestimated. If you are someone who can offer that to another person, take pride in it. Don't get frustrated because your solutions went unacknowledged. Take comfort in the fact that you got the opportunity to make someone feel a little less alone.
Of course your time is precious. But sometimes it is far better to make someone feel valued than to lecture them. Sometimes a person deliberately says things designed to provoke a reaction from you. You feel irritated. You want to respond sharply, but you hold back. They know that. They can sense it. That is precisely what they want. Because a reaction signals continued conversation, which you will not sustain unless you are genuinely invested. So they felt compelled to do something to draw you in.
Loneliness makes people do foolish things. Understand what is happening. Focus on the flow of the conversation. Get out of your own head and pay attention to the person in front of you. Try to understand what they are really seeking from the exchange. Not everyone who behaves this way is lonely. Some are just difficult. But it is always wiser to be certain before you react.
Offering solutions to someone's problems is a generous act. But listening is better. Offering someone a shoulder leaves a more lasting impression than any lecture. Try that. Make someone feel valued.