Don't Be Quick To Judge
We tend to misunderstand people when we adopt someone else’s definition of them. When we borrow opinions to the point where we begin to believe them as our own, we lose the opportunity to discover the truth independently. Our behaviour toward that person then shifts to accommodate the beliefs we have harboured.
When you begin with negative beliefs about someone, it shapes your mannerisms, and the other person’s adverse response often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your pre-existing notions inspire subtle hostility, which in turn provokes defensive behaviour from them. Warmth invites warmth. Coldness begets coldness.
We need to be more mindful of the beliefs we hold about others. What we were told may not be true. We may have been misled—or we may have been told the truth. But the only way to know for certain is to approach someone with a clean slate. Giving another person an equal chance to reveal who they are is the most civilised approach; it is empathetic as well.
People are far more dynamic than we give them credit for. They act according to their own biases and carry grievances we know nothing about. Everyone inhabits a different reality, and therefore their biases differ from yours. When you approach someone, use heuristics if you must, but assume nothing beyond what you directly observe.
Give people enough space to express themselves. If they cannot be trusted, let their actions reveal that. It is shortsighted to cling to beliefs about someone and continually test them against assumptions that were never truly yours. No one deserves to be subjected to constant scrutiny simply because they have displeased others. Hear their side of the story. Get to know them. You may realise they are not as different from you as you once believed.
And even if they are different, you have still discovered someone new—someone unique. Isn’t that the whole point of life?