Conversations That Aren’t Conversations
Your need for emotional comfort also makes you foolish. You want others to understand your feelings, you want them to be tender with you, you want them to be considerate of your emotions. But those things make you look ridiculous, not to mention vulnerable, which is then taken advantage of.
On the surface, there is nothing wrong with feeling and sharing emotions, but one has to be absolutely, and I repeat, absolutely sure that the other person wants to hear them. Most of the time, they do not care about what you are feeling. They talk to you, they share their emotions with you because they want to talk, not listen.
Almost ninety percent of the people you meet do not care about what is going on in your life. They listen either to figure you out or to be polite. If you think I am lying, try saying the bare minimum in a conversation and, instead of sharing your side, ask them relevant questions without being nosy. Feign interest in their life, act as if you find it all fascinating, and then watch the reaction that will break your heart. They will keep talking until they are exhausted.
These people seek emotional comfort from you under the guise of friendship. They do not do this deliberately or with any planning, but their personality is so warped that they cannot tolerate anyone else’s reality alongside their own. Every time you share a vulnerable moment with them, you will realize it has no effect on them. They will take it casually and move on to the next conversation.
I have had conversations that went on for hours, and I shared nothing. Nada. Zilch. I did it because I wanted to know whether the person who considers me their confidant and best friend really is my friend or not. I almost said out loud that you are so full of yourself, and yet still hungry for more validation.
That person is still my friend and will remain so for as long as I can support them, but I have literally zero expectations from them. As far as I am concerned, they belong to a category that is good to have but never a must-have.
There are people with whom you instantly feel a connection, safe, secure, and genuinely happy. Those are the ones you want in life. Those who let you speak, focus on what you are saying, share their story but also want to be part of yours are the ones you truly want to keep. Because here, you are having a conversation. In the previous case, you are just hosting a podcast where one person keeps talking and the other merely enables it. So act like a podcaster for such people.
Such friends will never stay in close touch with you for long. They will probably remain connected with you on LinkedIn and Instagram, liking your posts and photos. You will always know them, know about them, and yet never feel close to them. It is almost a peaceful feeling to know that you will eventually lose touch with these people without effort, because ultimately, they will move on to someone else who will lend them an ear.