Can You Stay Alone For Life?
The most fundamental question a man asks himself, often. Can he remain alone for his entire life without being destroyed by it? On the surface, that question begs another: why would anyone want to stay alone for life at all?
When you're tired of commitments, when the burden of responsibility curdles into liability, when every relationship suffocates you because of how you were wired since childhood, you would rather remain alone for the rest of your life.
The human mind is wired to seek company. Youth deludes you into thinking you can go it alone. That you need nobody. But as you age, you realize how hard it is to come home every day to an empty house.
Such discussions are aplenty. Books are filled with them. Countless TED talks preach the importance of companionship. Real life experiences back it up too. But if a man chooses to live life alone, how does he do it? There has to be a way, right?
This thought has dominated a good part of my headspace for a decade now. Not a week goes by where I don't think about it at least once. I have thought long about being alone, and how it can sometimes tip into loneliness.
Loneliness is, at its core, the absence of an outlet to release your energy. When you love someone, your mind releases that stored energy through shared need and vulnerability. Without a steady partner, you need something to replace it.
You need a purpose that doesn't just keep you occupied but consumes the fabric of your existence. That thing should become your lifelong pursuit, one you never tire of chasing. Dedicate most of your hours to fulfilling it, instead of sitting alone in your apartment, wallowing in misery.
You also need someone in your life to fulfill your physical needs. I cannot refute biology, no matter how crude it sounds. The body has needs. A low-stakes affair, no strings attached, no commitment, works perfectly here.
The problem arises when you grow attached to the same person, so much that you're willing to sacrifice everything just to keep them. When you're besotted with someone, it's easy to forget why you chose to remain alone. You have to hold a genuine distaste for the societal structure to never participate in it.
You need friends in your life. This is the most important part of the endeavor. You need enough friends to engage in activities that bring you joy. Join sports clubs. Cultivate hobbies. Take up dangerous pursuits like trekking challenging mountain terrain. Be at your absolute best. And for that, you need friends. None of this is possible without company.
If you think having friends sounds hypocritical, you're wrong. Having friends is not the same as buying into the whole societal structure you despise. They don't want your attention 24x7. They won't bog you down. They have their own lives, so there will always be distance.
You need to find a way to leave your current environment from time to time. One of the best ways is to take solo trips to places most tourists would avoid. Stay a month, two, or longer, depending on your inclination. Either take up odd jobs there like a vagabond, or carry on your own work from there. Or simply treat it as a yearly holiday, nothing more.
Build connections in every place you visit. They're temporary, and both sides will know it. You'll have no compulsion to settle there. No need to lure anyone with false promises. This ensures you will always have experiences in life you otherwise wouldn't. It can also become a good story to tell friends once you're back. And it works beautifully with women you meet back in your own city.
Traveling ensures you're never overwhelmed by the demands of your present life. It gives you the release you crave. It sharpens your mind, forcing your focus onto a new culture, new people.
A life without a partner is possible, but it isn't easy. A man always struggles with the duality of running away versus enduring with gritted teeth. So it's natural for him to dream of absolute freedom. But absolute freedom doesn't come cheap. It carries its own baggage. Because there are no free lunches in life.
You will suffer, that's guaranteed. With someone or without someone. You can choose your suffering, but you cannot escape it. You can see I have given considerable thought to escaping the trap of society. I couldn't. It was too much. I chickened out. So now I think about detachment and death.
The rush to escape is also an energy that demands an outlet. For me, creativity is one such outlet, but I don't know how long it will last. I fear I will live the rest of my life with gritted teeth, with only moments of happiness in between.
I do not mean to dishearten you, dear reader. For some people, life is absolutely beautiful. Most of the time, it is beautiful. To live with someone who loves you completely, who cannot get enough of you, makes all the pain worth it. I hope you find someone for whom you would want to leave the world.
Even though this essay is about ways of being alone, I do not wish that for you. If you can, ignore the vagabond idea of an irrelevant writer.