Awkward Conversations Are Lack Of Skill
The lack of courage to have awkward conversations keeps you from strengthening your conversational skills. The lack of skill in handling awkward situations keeps you perpetually scared and avoidant. Some people dodge difficult conversations like a contagious disease. They flee from it. They grow anxious. They panic. They get the jitteriness. They would endure all of this rather than muster the courage to confront.
They lack courage because they are not skilled at it. They are not skilled because they haven't practiced it. They haven't practiced because they were either never told to, or never had to. Someone who never had to confront awkward situations never learns how to face them. Someone who never had to navigate difficult conversations — not even with themselves — never develops the skill to have them.
Parents are sometimes to blame. They keep their children from developing these skills. They complete their children's sentences, imposing their own thoughts in place of a developing argument. Because of this, children never learn to refine their reasoning. Good conversation requires trial and error. You need to discover what works and what doesn't.
Anxiety towards anything is a fear response. It only arises when you aren't confident you can handle it. That confidence is directly dependent on skill — and on control. Older people grow more anxious because they have less control. Younger people get anxious because they lack skill. They haven't practiced enough. Which is also why doing more, acting more, is the only real prescription. The only way out is through.
The simplest way to get better is to refine your arguments internally first. Distill the conflict to its core. What is the actual issue. What needs to be said. Why does it need to be said. Why does it matter. What are the possible ways this can be delivered. Run it through your mind and you'll arrive at workable answers.
That's all a good conversation requires. Strip out the noise — including your inner voice and its anxious commentary. Understand that the fear response exists because of a skill deficit. You never did it, so you believe you can't. That's simply not true. There are plenty of things that once terrified you that you did anyway.
The greatest antidote to fear is confrontation. Keep moving and you will go far. Stay rooted and you will never move at all.