Anger Is A Fairness Trap
We’ve all felt angry without being able to pinpoint the exact cause. Everything irritates us, everything feels wrong, as if time is ticking and we’re just waiting to explode. Anger is the mind’s response to perceived unfairness. By becoming angry, we’re essentially trying to impose our own sense of fairness onto the situation.
The way we define fairness determines what triggers us. What we consider unjust sets the spark, and how strongly we feel about that injustice dictates the intensity of our anger. When we’re angry, we’re really asserting our version of justice onto the world, often forgetting that our view is biased, and that someone else might have an entirely different idea of what’s fair.
In those moments, pause and ask yourself: What exactly am I finding unfair here? What could be the counter-argument? Can I redirect the energy behind my emotion into the argument I’m making instead?
Once you call out your anger, its intensity starts to diminish. That same energy can then be used to sharpen your reasoning, or to recognize that two people can both be “right” in different ways. This is what happens in most domestic arguments: one issue, but two perspectives. When you face such a situation, remember, you can either raise your voice or raise the quality of your counter-argument but never both.